February 27, 2005

silver lining behind clouds that loom.

it's been a most tiring two weeks. the chinese new year wasn't how I expected it to be this year. much happened during that period, things I'm neither at liberty nor will to discuss. but one thing that happened: I fell sick on the fifth day of cny, and managed to make it back to camp five days later, with a follow-up of almost a week of light duties.

and that was the very first time I had a temperature of 39.5°C and higher, together with a throat infection, runny nose, migraine and cough. to put it simply, those five days were spent confined to the bed, and I could well be rendered immobile. to top it up, I missed the situational test the entire company went for, and thus had to complete it with another company instead.

never did I have attacks like these coming from all directions: physically, mentally and emotionally, so much so that I had the innermost gutteral cry out to the Holy Spirit as only He understands, for Him to deliver me. going through the problem during cny was bad, being very sick was worse, having to attend three days of outfield sitest definitely didn't make me feel any better.

yet, here I am after two weeks. everything's solved, I'm well, and I went through the test successfully.the 12km route march, fast marches and numerous missions took a lot out of me, but I pressed on.

and it's all because of Jesus.
even as I was in agony, wanting to give up, the Word of God came to my mind:
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me; those who wait on the Lord will rise up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint."
- Philippians 4:13, Isaiah 40:31.

the Word of God says "God is faithful, and will not allow you to be tempted (or tested) beyond what you are able." and there and then I realised that the Potter is moulding me into better clay. Smith Wigglesworth once said, "The power of God is here to prevail. God is with us." you see, faith is an esoteric thing, until the moment the believer decides to let go and let God. it is not about willpower or brawn, it never was.

it's about reaching out when you have nothing, trusting God for everything.
it's about giving up your all to God, believing His deliverance is for the now.
it's never about yourself, it's about the Lord.

friends, the power of God is indeed here to prevail. but power comes only through faith. and as much as some of us like to believe we have faith, there are always these little areas at the back of our minds which doubt, which disallow the entry of God. the thing is: God has always been there for you, for us. but it is because of our own little doubts that limit God. you may think it small, but it is precisely those small areas which prevent your breakthroughs and hinder the power of God from filling your life fully.

reflecting upon what has happened, I can then surely say, it is "not by might, not by power, but by the Spirit of God!" you will never know how much you've grown until you go through the fire and look back at the trial(s) you have overcome.

His Word is Truth, and it will set the captives free.



- Gideon.